To let go or to be let go, that is the question…….

On Tuesday of last week, I was notified my position was being disbanded and i would be laid off effective May 1st.  Now, to most people this would be hurtful and disheartening, and a true gut check.  But to me, it is a blessing.  I have worked in only two fields during the course of my working life- food service and metals manufacturing.    During the 2008 economic meltdown i was only one of 5 overhead office employes that was not laid of or terminated out of the 30 I worked with. I left that job for two reasons, a conflict of interest in my personal life and there was not upward mobility.  It has been over two years since i left to go to another local machine shop, again with no upward mobility, way smaller, and in continual decline of work.  So much so that in the last year I have spent most of the 45 hours on the clock doing personal things and building my internet company and image, as the ok of my employer, as there really is nothing to do.  The owner and i spoke briefly a few times over the last year, each time i asked for more work and more responsibility, and each time he would try to find something, but at some point we both had to draw the line that creating work for someone when doing it yourself is more efficient is not in the best interest of the company.  I found it good that i could always be candid with him.  I told him that truthfully he did not need all four of us in the office.  Really he only needed two and they would still both have “free time.”  I told him i felt bad doing my own stuff, and he said well hopefully that is temporary, as 2013 should be better…. well a qtr deep in to 2013 and we have laid off everyone in the shop we could to still fulfil production goals, and the overhead was next… meaning me.  I have been bored and unhappy here for the last year because of the lack of work and purpose.  I know as an employee anywhere you can be replaced, but as an employee i want to feel passionate that the work i am doing is for the greater good of my employer.  My direct boss is also a huge concern of mine.  And not being under his thumb is more than uplifting….

Now, as a teen mom who has done only work since the day my child was born- not working is a bit frightening to me.  ONce upon a time I stayed at home with my children when they were small, and went to school, while their father worked two and three jobs for u.  I went back to work once i graduated because i was supposed to be the breadwinner then….flash forward to today i will ot be working.  My partner will be.  What do i do?!?!

Never you fear!!!!!!

 

Where there is time- I will fill it.  I am SO SUPER LUCKY right now i could shout it from the rooftops.  Although we will have less income, I have lived with way less income during times in my life than right now.  Had this happened even a year ago i would e so stressed and sick and freaking out it would have been terrible.  But because of my partner, his work ethic and positive attitude- we will be ok.  He said, well i guess this is your sign to apply yourself to what you love!  We will figure out the rest…we can do it.

So…..

I  feel about a bazillion times better.  And i am accountable to him during this time.  IF i spend too much, if i am being lazy around the house, or dont bring in enough from my online business, he will get on my back about it.  IF i feel like he is slacking, i will do the same.  W again, have talked it over-BEFORE issue and we set a plan in place FOR the upcoming situation.  There is accountability, responsibility, and faith in one another that neither of us will shoot the other in the foot.

I will still apply for jobs, but will target jobs that fit my expertise instead of “whatever” and i will finish my Real estate schooling, spend time with my kids, go out and market my advocacy programs, and Rock my small business out!  Bring in some clients and Teach people about minimalist endeavors, and the environmental fun of healthy living, relationships,and getting your hands active and dirty instead of lazy and idle.

🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

Product Review: A few good hairs:

My review process and disclosure

I love free samples!!!!! Reviewing them unbiased and try-before-you-buy-style Is fun!!! Go consumer product research!  I have become a free sample junkie.  I love, love. love getting samples at stores and in the mail. I try not to buy most women things.  And so far, the easiest things to get for free are women products from shampoos to perfumes and the like.  I started this free sample hunt about 4 months ago, and have decided to review the products as a way to both thank the company for the ability for me to try before I buy, and for consumers to have a real and unbiased commentary about a product.  I have a three drawer storage box under my bathroom counter and a box in my spice cabinet where my free samples go, to be used when I need them, just curious, or I am in the mood to change it up and write a review.   Sometimes I will write a lot of reviews in one short span of time, and other times I will break from doing it. These are my opinions, and please feel free to let me know if you agree or disagree.  I am trying to see how much of my life I can exist upon free samples……. to see if I can get by, and if so for how long.  Free samples also travel well.  Small enough to fit TSA carry on regulations AND they can fit in the cracks of your shoes and other small places for transport.  So here we go!

HAIR CARE TEST

In my house we have three girls with very differing hair needs:

Me age 29: I have wavy, semi healthy hair, dry ends, and undyed, naturally colored.

My eldest Jolie age 12: Thick, thick, wavy hair.  Her hair is so think it has issues retaining the good smell of shampoo, and often times has a “head smell” but nothing clean and fresh.

My youngest Lilie age 8: thin, mousey bone straight hair. It looks dirty only a few hours after she has bathed….but it always smells nice.

In order to make these tests as close replication as possible, I wash all of our hair, in hot water once a day at night. Conditioners are put in at the end for 2 minutes at the minimum. qtys of each are about the diameter of a nickel per person per experience.

 

WOW!!!! love it!!!!!  will buy!!!!!   The sample came with i shampoo bottle and 1 conditioner bottle sized slightly larger than travel/hotel sized.  They sent me enough to use the shampoo for 10 hair washings, and conditioner for about 20.  This stuff was so amazing on my dry and heat burned hair.  It became more shiny and felt softer, and was less tangled, smelled good and was awesome!  As for Lil- it made her hair shiny and soft, and not dirty looking.  Jolie- no change-

 

This sample arrived in a packet/pod with a coupon for 1.00 off. Three use at most.

Awesome product for Jolie.  Her hair was soft, and it smelled good for hours after it had naturally dried.  Lilie and I saw little to no change in shine, or health, but out heads smelled good for over 24 hours.

This sample came with three pods/packets attached- one shampoo, one conditioner, and one repair serum.  Again 3 use max, with the exception of the serum- I am p to 5 uses and probably have about 1 or 2 more.

Shampoo- worked well but did not change the appearance of any of our hair.  The smell did not last in jolie’s hair after her hair dried. The conditioner seemed to make lilie’s hair softer and mine less tangled.

The serum- only i used and am still using.  The my heat fried dried ends seem softer, but i do not know that they are healthier (or if that is possible without cutting them off).  My hair does feel softer all around though.

 

In conclusion, given the three sample products, three different hair types, and similar testing situations applied- the ultimate winner is the Clear shampoo and conditioner for Lilie and I, but the Garnier Fructis for Jolie.

 

Thank you to the companies and participants.  Let me know if you have others you want me to try!  Contact me if you want me to try your products too!

 

Until next time,

C

 

(MM) Product Review: The Online Office: products, websites, etc.-Updated 4/2/13

Online store: Amsterdam Printing.

www.Amsterdamprinting.com

How I heard about it: Free sample website

Cost: 0.00 plus 0.00 shipping.

Date of order: 2-21-13

Date of recipt: 2-25-13

What I ordered:  41226 Delane Pen B366 Graphite/Black Ink.

What I actually recv’d: 42799 Entice Pen Graphite/Blue Ink.

Well, looking past the issue in the order (considering it was free, I cannot complain too much.)  The pen is professional looking, lightweight, and i believe it is refillable, yet i am having the darndest time trying to get the ink cartridge out.  I got the silver top unscrewed and the spring out, but cannot get the ink cartridge out.  It is a ball point pen, writes well in various positions, and the ink did not smear when I wrote with my left hand versus my right hand (yeah for the ambidextrous testing office supplies!) I had a small issue with no ink when leaning the pen to the sharp sides of about 20 and  about 70 degrees.

I definitely like the pen, I like the grips for your fingers, and I like that I could get printing on them to specify whatever I want. Free, lightweight, efficient, professional looking, and refilable-not the pen I ordered- but definitely still good!  Good professional and promotional item!

****updated*****

So you know how they sent me the wrong pen?  Well someon from thier CS department called.  We spoke about the pen, my likes and dislikes an my thoughts.  I told him the story and he sent me a new one.  With my infor engraved for free on it and a coupon for dicounts on future orders.  AWESOME CS!!!!

WEBSITES I USE:

Originally published under my other blog which I am dismantling and consolidating my way out of for efficiencies sake:

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Tis the Season! An Effective and Efficient Holiday Paper Parade.

So as a busy mother, full-time employee, and small business entrepreneur, I have about 0 time for anything else.  The Holiday season along with all other seasons in my house many times gets overlooked and last minuted…..I spend what feels like days on end, in my car in a parking lot somewhere waiting on one kid to leave so i can take the other one somewhere else.  Because of this i depend on a digital and minimalist lifestyle.

If someone called ill, or a customer called and i needed to be on a jet plane at an airport 45min from me in 1 hr.  I could do it.  My life is in my purse, and the rest of it quickly packable.  I am that mom on the fly-i built a system and live with in that system daily, when i shop, in my downtime (which is typically a 15 min nap in the driver seat of my car in a parking lot).  I love to be on the move and doing all sorts of stuff.  and as a minimalist i do not need much to do it.  When the holidays roll around many times i have a hard time getting to all of the places i need to get to get christmas cards out and to get gifts done.

So I utilize the following websites for my paper goods and gift cards.  (yes, i am one of those gift givers-paper or plastic only…..)

One of the reasons I do cash, check, or gift card is that i personally, and my children, like to spread the joy of holiday all year round.  Meaning that it is hard in december to know what size your growing child will be in june when they need a brand new swimsuit and jeans because instead of sprouting .25 inches they grew 3.”  I also want to give people the option to save their money.  People get, buy, and consume so much that sometimes this overstimulation really is detrimental to how they continue to spend through out the next new year.  That is why two of the top new years resolutions every year are lose weight/get in shape and save money.  both of them get thrown out the window from thanksgiving through the 1st of the calendar year.  Bad habits are hard to break.  And later is too late to start.

Also, most of the people i buy for are late jr. high and up.  They just want cash or prepaid cards they can take use as cash.  I like to give people what they want and what they need.

So we will tackle these in order:

1. Moo    (http://www.moo.com/share/h2f5jb)

I do not know if i am the only soul who conveniently runs out of business cards around the holidays?  But i do.  every year.  I also run out of seals, and to/from stickers and the like.  Moo is a bit more expensive than their competitors like vistaprint.com, but i have found that the quality and the creativity allowance of the cards is worth it.  This site is great for anything business orientated. Super timely, and they save your past products you create for easy reorder and replication.   Try it out, let customer service know i sent you and we can earn free stuff and future discounts!  There is also a 10  card free trial link on the website.

2. Shutterfly (http://www.shutterfly.com)

When I said I like my world digital….i meant it.  I utilize shutterfly as my back up storage for my photos should anything ever happen to my laptop or back up files, they are there.  I also can create calendars, gift or otherwise, stamps, stickers, books, cards, and other types of items with a personalized feel.  There are deals and coupon codes all of the time, and they allow you to save and repeat your past projects should something happen and the original gets damaged or destroyed.  Try it out, let customer service know i sent you, then recommend a friend or family member, and we can earn free stuff and future discounts!  I have ordered photo books,and address labels and I love love love them!!!!  I also have gotten great discounts.

3. Treat (http://www.treat.com)

Don’t have time to get to the store?  or get a gift card, cash, or a stamp?  or even the card itself?  Create your own and have them send it with a “treat”… it is a digital link printed on the card either you personalize and create, or you pick from their site, that the receiver can redeem for a gift card or for the cash you preloaded on it.  Great for college kids away at school-especially if you don’t know the grocery or discount stores around them to help them out! Also great for gifts you have to send for those not close during the holidays!  AND you pick or design, preloaded, and they ship.  Super easy and quick.  My only issue so far as been linking photos from FB and shutterfly (their parent company) so i do not have to re-upload them. Try it out, let customer service know i sent you, then recommend a friend or family member, and we can earn free stuff and future discounts!

4. SCRIP (http://www.shopwithscrip.com)

This is a great program that is not available everywhere, I will warn.  The scrip program is typically done as a part fundraiser/part tuition reimbursement program for schools, churches, and other organizations.  Basically how it works is yo set up an account, choose the closest pick up location or the location/family where you want the funds to be delegated toward.  The admin or coordinator for that facility approves you and you can order gift cards to various places.  The companies that participate designate a percentage that is returned to the buyers allocation-there are refillable cards, and you can pay by check or cash-direct to the program coordinator, or through a presto pay system th takes the funds direct from your account with in 24 hours of the sale.

Example: My children’s school participates. I log in on-line, and I need a gas card.   So i click on the gas station card i want which has a 4% rebate and designate the amount I want on the card.  2% of the 4% goes to my children’s school as a fundraiser, and the other 2% goes in an account to be subtracted from next years tuition bill.  This being said, the year that my last child is through or if we move or change schools, i can take the rebate in cash.  If i know, (and i do) that i need to buy gas every week, i just buy one card a week and i never run out of cards.  I am prepared and if i get ahead a week on gas cards, on a tighter week i can go without purchase.  And it is a continual fundraiser for their school.  Every little bit helps.

And you can order only what you need, therefore no clutter!

So these are just a few of my failsafe sites for when life takes me for a ride I feel like i am not longer actively driving.  With that said, i am always open to check out some of your places and ideas especially for digital storage, security, financials, and just plain fun websites!

thanks!

minimal mommy says: ready…. set…. Stationary!

Happy  Holiday Season 2013.

Permalink:http://minimalmommy.wordpress.com/2012/11/27//

Originally published: at 8:27:29 pm.Last edited by cjsparkle on November 27, 2012 at 9:07 pm

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Associated bag.

http://www.associatedbag.com

If for your small business, or for gifts, or for a big business.  This company makes it easy to try samples before you buy.  I was looking for storage and gift bags for some of the rosaries I make, to both protect and sell them.  I selected up to five samples and they sent them to me for free with in three days of my order.  It was awesome!  Once I get a solid set of orders I will be contacting them to buy two of the bags I got as samples.  The translucent colored gift or purchase bags (blue, purple, clear, green)  are nice and solid and thick.  You can write notes on them in sharpie’s to give them a more personalized gift  feel.  You could also put you business logo on a seal on the bag too.  They were sturdy enough to reuse multiple times, and would be good for marketing of your store after purchase by people who will reuse the sturdy cute give/purchase bag, either to tote something or just bring a lunch somewhere.  The clear draw string tie bags were very convenient for which to house the rosaries, and the little bead style bags were good to secure the safety of the cross at the rosary end from getting scratched or damaged by the rest of the metal on it, even though they were not sealed all the way due to the jump ring. Pricing was good as well.

So all in all, these are my thoughts on my samples and free/coupon experiences of my “online office.”   These are my go to’s.  Some new, some old.  Give them a try and let me know what you think!

C

Starting a small business or just trying to make (extra) money? Minimal mommy says: Let’s make a plan.

So I officially hit my 100th sale in Dec 2012.  That was my first year in ” almost official business.”  This is both thrilling and frightening for me.

Below I  will give you links to my outlets of sale, the process I have seen work the best at least for me, and the applications I use for analytics and the like.  You will see a ton of familiar companies, and some I use for not so familiar options.  So lets begin the how to’s of URP and Dragonliliyarts.

Creativity DOES take courage!  Putting yourself out there, marketing, and the like takes courage.  People will love you but realize they will also hate you.  That is ok. To each their own.

https://www.etsy.com

Etsy.com is a great place to sell and showcase art and vintage things.  It is easy to use and allows for a multitude of options from upcycled items, to art as both we know it and OMG! why did i not thing of that!  I have a site on there under “dragonlilyarts.”  I have sold both art and storage products, and one vintage item. I have also made a purchase through there.  There is a lot to choose from and many options.  Being distinctive is the key to being found in a search!

https://www.pinterest.com

Pin board fun!!!!  I market flood my listings from etsy, ebay, and my blogs to pinterest.  I pin other people’s boards to mine and they me.  I get a ton of fantastic and stellar ideas to live a more earth friendly and minimalist-almost 0 waste lifestyle.  And i see what has worked for me and what i absolutely love.  I clean out boards of the “slackers” and the no longer applies” about once every quarter in order to maintain a fresh and organized digi-image.

Do not put off what you can do today, for tomorrow, unless it is 11:59pm and you are still working on your entrepreneurial adventures, and you have to use the restroom.

https://www.amazon.com

https://www.ebay.com

https://www.craigslist.com

SELL SELL SELL!!! as the end of the year approaches clean out your house.  Split the times in to four categories: keep, garbage, donate, and sell.  Each of the listings above give you prime availability with the right wording and the key words to market your products and show up in  main page listings.  Amazon and ebay pay good money to move up in key “eye catching” listing spots on search engine front pages: use it to your advantage.  Also the is the time of year to really begin to plan for the next, start clean, and in a lifestyle change focus.  you are the most ambitious at this time of the year to advocate a change-as this is the time to set new years resolutions.  Also the more you donate the more you can get rebates in your taxes, or pay less to uncle sammo….. everything you own that is worth the time to sell can be listed on at least one if not all three of the above places.  Make it a mission.  Dont be afraid to tell the buyer in the listing why you are selling it.  Many of my listings include that the proceeds from each sale go to fund my children’s extra curricular activities as well as both URP and Minimal Mommy.  some of my earlier ones just plain said “moving must sell!”

Ask yourself:

do you need it?

do you want it/sentimental?

what good will it do for you?

Then determine your next step: keep, sell, donate, throw-out.

My new years resolutions each year have been simple and doable.  That is important to allow change to occur overtime and stay, not fall, off the wagon.  I have been living and formulating URP and the inclusive minimal mommy (mm) voice before put names to them.  It has been about 12 years, each year adding a new pc to the puzzle, streamlining, trying new things and removing others.

Payment and Analytics:

www.paypal.com

www.outright.com

Both are a division of ebay but they allows you to incorporate your other host sites to their free-flood of information.  Because of this I have a one stop shop to invoice people whom are interested in items on non paypal sites, I can study my sales and expenditures, and i can see what months which sites and demands seem to peak for me.  I can make, create, or edit preformed labels for my income, rainy day savings, or expenses, and it gives ma rough idea of what I will owe in taxes, if at all.

I tell everyone my largest asset is the ability to take something and multitask it in to an effective and efficient usage of time, but that I also thoroughly enjoy calm time to be real and enjoy life.  We only have one life. Enjoying it and doing what we love, while being self-reliant and responsible is one of the best gifts we can give ourselves and the world around us. Part of starting your own business is drive and love.  You need to be motivated.  You almost work off of the high of excitement that something you love doing you can also make money doing.  because let’s face it, you need money to live.  But in order to start your own “thing” you need passion.  You need to believe in what you do whole heartedly.  You need to be comfortable about putting your whole self out there-like a naked person in a public festival.

Think. Create. Give. Repeat.

(Un)thoughts: In 5 years from now……will it matter?

It does not matter if your family is you and a pet, or you and a mom, dad, grandparent, or either or neither nor.  Family is what you make it.

You do not choose that to which you are born in to.  But you can choose to surround yourself with more of that type, or less of that type, or none of that type.

If you would not choose to be friends with your family members (given the option, rather than the blood/guilt linkage), then a deep analysis of self needs to occur as to why.

Given the less obvious options like, alcoholism, imprisonment, abuse, drug addiction, or terrible affect wrong path kind of behaviors and the like, what would it take for you to walk away from them?  What would you have to do for them to walk away from you?

Families get annoying to one another, they get on each others nerves, give unsolicited opinions, etc.  But really it should take a travesty of action (or inaction) to make them walk away, not a difference of opinion, politics, religion, or lifestyle choice.

I am talking again-crime, risk, cult, abuse, addiction, murder, assault, derangement or mental instability where fear is primary focus, etc.  as being good reasons to walk away. Fear. Death. serious harm.

Not simple things that fall under-it is not what I choose so you can’t, or i will not talk to you if you drive this car, eat at this place, etc.  LIfe is so much more than that.  So much above the fickleness.  IF you are irritated or not speaking to a loved one for what ever reason will what you are mad at matter in five years?  Do you even remember what it was?  Did you offer an unsolicited opinion?  Did you have that right or due cause?  Did you give na ultimatum as a transaction for your love  or acceptance in return?  IS it dumb?  did you pick a side without hearing both speak to you about what happened?  Were you there to decide on your own?

Are you being self-righteous, without looking in your own personal historical mirror?

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We have one life.  We have one body.

Use you hand to do go actions.  Use your mind to think good thoughts.  Use your voice to spread the word.  All it takes is one person, paying it forward to another person, and the love travels….

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Written by a 90 year old… I’m going to post this on my fridge!!!! Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer Newspaper, Cleveland, Ohio. “To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I’ve ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good. 2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.. 3. Life is too short – enjoy it.. 4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will. 5. Pay off your credit cards every month. 6. You don’t have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself. 7… Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone. 8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it. 9.. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck. 10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile. 11… Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present. 12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry. 13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about. 14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it… 15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye But don’t worry; God never blinks. 16… Take a deep breath. It calms the mind. 17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways. 18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger. 19. It’s never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else. 20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer. 21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special. 22. Over prepare, then go with the flow. 23 Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple. 24. The most important sex organ is the brain. 25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you. 26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’ 27. Always choose life. 28. Forgive but don’t forget. 29. What other people think of you is none of your business. 30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time. 31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change. 32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.. 33. Believe in miracles. 34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do. 35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now. 36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young. 37. Your children get only one childhood. 38.. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved. 39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere. 40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back. 41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have not what you need. 42. The best is yet to come… 43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. 44. Yield. 45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.”

Have a good one,

until next time,

C

The Root of all Evil: Resolution 2013 (MM)

Heyya lovlies!

This year things will change, though I do not think the change will be anything like the major changes that have occurred in the years past.  This year I want the changes to be simple, to be building upon continuous improvement to my already minimalist and environmentalist system.

Use it or lose it: Continuous Improvement to Minimalist Endeavors

This year my goal is to run a “zero waste” household.  I say it in quotations because it is highly improbable to live in an apartment in the city and be completely 0 waste, but i want to get us as close to 0 as possible. My goal is less than 5% household waste.  I will measure this by the number of bags of garbage and recycling taken out a week.  Currently we take out 2-4, 13 gallon bags every two days.  I want to  bring that down to 1 bag a week each of recycling and 1 bag garbage or less.  Going from at most 13 bags down to at most 2 bags a week is quite a difference- manageable but changing….

One of the things I have newly incorporated is taking the ends of veggies you typically shove down the garbage disposal, or softer veggies that you would normally discard, and using them.  I have a bag in the freezer I have labeled the “roots of all evil” and in it are the rough ends of onion, carrot, potato skins, celery ends, etc.  once i fill up the gallon size bag i boil it in either bean stock (the bean juice from cans of chili or black beans, which I also save and freeze) or salt pepper and about a quarter the depth of water to veggies in the pot.  Once soft I puree it.  It typically looks a green or bizarre rusty color, but it can be used as is or added to anything from roasts, slow cooker meals, soups, chili, or pasta/sauces.  You can added it to small bursts of things like spaghetti sauce to sneak attack anti-veggie kids or add noodles and chopped up other veggies to the puree to make a hearty winter soup.  We figured this over the course of a month would save us about 2-4 meals worth of main course meals-or roughly $50-75.00 a month, in our 7 person household.

One of the things my fantastic partner brought to the table,  is saving our frying oil for multiple uses.  We do not have a fryer, nor do we fry often, but when we doo it seems so foolish to throw away a few cups of oil on one meal.  Because oil is heated to a high temp when frying any and all potential bacteria will be burned off  during the current use and prior to the next use as it heats. Oil is a preservative, so molding is not a huge issue either. We have a separate labeled air tight container that we use for it.  Once the oil gets too chunky or cloudy we will discard it and start over, and clean out the container to begin again.  This is our first attempt at this but will probably render us about $20.00 in grocery savings a month.

Egg-shell calcium supplements- Egg shells contain great amounts of calcium.  And typically this great benefit to the egg is discarded or wasted- but it does not have to be.  Come spring, I typically buy my eggs from a local farmer every Sat morning otherwise, I buy Wisconsin (local) eggs at the store and avoid ones that have growth hormones added.  When I use an egg, I have a container in my fridge i throw the eggshells until i get through about 12 of them I do not store open shells with whole unused ones..  Then I lay them out on a sheet pan and cook them (any membrane insides left there are fine to leave on) and I cook them at 375 degrees for less than 15 min, pulling them out before they burn, but cooked long enough to kill bacteria and make them brittle-a little browning is fine. You can also boil them.  Then i grind them up in a coffee bean grinder until they are a fine powder and place it in a mason jar.  Every meal i make, or bread dough, etc i take and add 1/2 teaspoon of this powder to it to increase the calcium content and get my family closer to the daily needed amounts.  Of the seven of us, three do not drink milk or eat enough food with calcium, and one has a dairy restriction-so anything I can do to help them avoid brittling of their bones during the growth periods will do nothing but help.  I have attached a link to better assist:

http://thehealthyadvocate.com/2010/06/01/eggshells-a-bioavailable-source-of-calcium/

Egg Shells as a Bioavailable Calcium Source

Even though calcium isn’t the only mineral we need for strong bones, it is an important nutrient to consume to ensure adequate protection of them. Eggshells are about 90-95% calcium carbonate, and is easily absorbable by our bodies, unlike most dairy products and fortified foods today. This is a completely safe and health source of calcium that anyone can incorporate into their diets.

Find a source of locally grown, free range and organic eggs. The likeliness that you contract salmonella from raw eggs and egg shells are actually quite low, and in fact decrease when choosing local, free range organic eggs. In fact, nutrient quality (such as omega-3 fatty acids) are much more available in these eggs, compared to ones you find at the store.

Use the eggs as you normally would, and instead of discarding the egg shells, run them under clean, cool water. Make sure to get all the egg white out of the egg shell. You can then boil the egg shell in hot water, if you feel as though you need to kill any bacteria, and then place it in a place to air dry. Then, using a blender or coffee grinder, pulverize the egg shell into a powder.

1/2 tsp. of dry, powered egg shell contains around 400 mg of calcium. The average person should consume around 1000 mg of calcium, which is easily done if you are eating a proper diet.

or this may help:

http://nourishedmagazine.com.au/blog/articles/how-to-make-calcium-using-egg-shells

How to Make Powdered Eggshells:

1. Wash empty eggshells in warm water until all of the egg white is removed, but do not remove the membrane because it contains important nutrients for the joints which helps arthritis.
2. Lay broken pieces out on paper towels and allow them to air dry thoroughly.
3. Break the eggshells up into small pieces, and grind them to into a fine powder in a food processor, blender, coffee grinder, or a nut mill, or put them in a plastic bag and use a rolling pin to grind them. Please note that some blenders will not grind the eggshell into a fine enough powder. A coffee grinder works the best.
4. Store powdered eggshells in a covered glass jar or container.  Keep it in a dry place, like the kitchen cupboard.

Employment Goals:

The other thing I want to do is teach.  I have applied at many a private school in this area.  The pay is significantly less but the ability to teach the importance of moral code, ethics, environmental and healthy food goals to the youth of today and the adults of tomorrow is worth it to me.

The “You Grow Girl! model/goal:

My last and final goal is to grow “city girl style” meaning that I have no plot of land to grow viable food on, but I have plenty of space internal to grow in.

I have started the process of obtaining a christmas light garden.  I bought soil and a large storage tote and red LED lights.  I need seeds, LED blue lights and electricity and I should be able to grow in there, with the lid on the same way the sun grows things out side, just without needing weather to assist or demise my crops.  I am going to start with beans and carrots and move on from there if it works.

I would also like to try a hydroponic herb grower for the herbs I use very frequently and like fresh.

Currently growing/fermenting, etc:

Temprenillo -due late 2013/2014

A trappist-style beer-due 2014

Belgian “orange” beer- due 2013

Portobella mushroom kit-Mycellium is in initial stages-first crop expected feb 2013.

 

So, as you can see we are off to a busy year so far already only a few days in to the new year.  I look forward to hearing your ideas and thoughts as we continue on another year of life style changes in search of a more fulfilling life experience.  Thank you all for following in 2012! happy 2013!

 

Minimal Mommy says:

Make life an expereince-not a burden.

 

 

Killing competition: If there are no “losers” how can there be “winners”?

….and to think all of this came from a song and a preteen child…..

Here is the story (off of my personal FB status this morning):

“I love FB for the sole reason that even if i had no friends, to witness, it allows me to time and date stamp things in my life. Like Jolie’s path through preteen hormones. This morning she sang, the entire “dream on” Aerosmith song. Amazingly the only thing that went right were the lyrics-for which she knew them ALL. other than that: not one note on key, not one note held even close to duration, nor tone, and also including some form of rock star motion, invisi-microphone yielding, head gestures, etc. She was unwaivered by the passersby in other cars giving her funny looks, and I was embarrassed for her. At the songs conclusion, she bursts in to hysterical laughter and starts almost disco dancing with in the limitations of the front seat of the car. Given this, i have a feeling the next few years are going to be, well, um, interesting.”

But it was while she sang the words, something of extreme importance hit me about this song, and although much phrasing would be considered cliché, these are valuable lessons our american society is straying away from.

This song took the lead singer, Steven Tyler, about 6 years to write.  It was on the debut album (c 1973) for Aerosmith and was a radioesque-ballad,when majority of their songs were stage presence-rock.  I have bolded the lines that I am/will be focusing on.

“Dream On”

Every time that I look in the mirror

 All these lines on my face getting clearer

 The past is gone

 It went by like dusk to dawn

 Isn’t that the way

 Everybody’s got their dues in life to pay

 

Yeah, I know nobody knows

 Where it comes and where it goes

 I know it’s everybody’s sin

 You got to lose to know how to win

 

Half my life’s in books’ written pages

 Live and learn from fools and from sages

 You know it’s true

 All the things you do, come back to you

If everyone is a winner, then what incentive do people have to win?  If people want to win, but are no accolades for their win or the hard work necessary for winning, then why try harder.  There then is no competition to be the best, and to disincentive to be the worst.

Losing builds character.  Winning builds character.  Being in the middle, second, or second to last builds competition to be better, also building drive, and character.  disappointment is good.  Failure is good but winning is better.  The results of either and the way we learn to compose ourselves and what to do with it all as we grow are the dues we have to pay in life.  the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Do you want an “average” surgeon?  If you are wrongly accused of commiting a crime, do you want an attorney who got the second to lowest score on their senior exams, etc?

Some of the best athletes in life failed to make their “a” squads or the team at all.  Michael Jordan being one of them.  And not everyone is cut out to do every job, not should they feel or be taught they have the “right” to a position they are unqualified for.

And the Cycle repeates: You v. someone/thing + incentive = competition

So while I was in my latter years of undergrad studying philosophy, economics, and sociology/cultural anthropology, believe it or not there are basic principles of humanity that did, do, are, were, and continue to be present and utilized as important through out each of the disciplines.  The interdisciplinary factors most discussed throughout all of them are “cycles,” “incentive,” and “competition.”  Realistically could humanity have advanced at all with out all or any of the three?  Could it have prospered, united, asked and acted upon why and what if, to advance to better safety, efficiency, effective transportation to encourage long distance trade, wealth, cultural alliance, collaboration, development, influence, etc.? The formula above can be substituted in anything in life.  It is the stimuli and the response.  It is Murphy’s laws of motion.  It is nature or nurture or both.  Fight, flight, or freeze.  It doesn’t matter.  Without incentive, there is nothing.  If you take the formula and increase incentive, competition also always increases and the weak fall out of the market/society/or cycle system.  But you cannot increase competition with out also increasing incentive.  They do not work in reverse. This is where “merit” comes in.  Those who are work harder, are better, stronger, more successful, etc. should be rewarded higher, compensated higher, etc.

The purple pen (better known as “stop purple penning them”)

My partner and I joke about this all of the time.  During my master’s courses in education, in parallel to my children entering grade school and middle school, I was flabbergasted at this new idea that children’s papers should not be graded in red pen, because red checkmarks hurt their self-development.  Papers will now be graded in purple pen because it is easier on their ego.  That and children under 4th grade will not be given letter grades.  What the HELL!

This goes the same for parenting.  what is wrong with a parent telling a child no or don’t do that. A tap on the hand if the hand is committing the crime,  Why is it up for discussion, or immense disappointment.  below are two conversations:

Johnny, please do not touch that.

why?

because that is not yours to play with.

but i want to, *reaches*

johnny, i said do not touch that, please do not touch that.

*reaches and touches it*

Johnny i told you not to touch, you need to listen to your mom. Please do not make me punish you. *moves him from reach.*

*screams bloody murder*

I do not like it when you act like this.

*cries harder*

*hand him toy, electronic, or candy. to make it stop and not be embarrassed.*

or

Johnny, don’t touch that, it is not yours to play with.

but i want to, *reaches*

*hand smack*

I said no-end of story.

*kid cryies the first few times, then realizes it is in vain*

—————–

This also goes for having “the important” conversations with your teens.  Birds and bees, driving, after graduation, etc.  Having expectations for your children, and borders rules, and the like is good.  I call Shane the “purple pen parent.”  Where as i sit down at the table, go over health class/birds and bees conversations with my nearly 12-year-old while both of us are red-faced, near tears embarrassed and suffering through every word of homework that needs to be signed off by the parent before the child can sit through health class in school, he- asks them if the read it and signs off without incident.

I tell my kids they have no choice in the matter.  If they can come up with a reasonable argument why my position of a decision is wrong, and they approach me respectfully and adult like many times we are both allowed a moment to think through each others mentality and fears, and the like. Sometimes the answer changes, sometimes it does not.  Respect is maintained (although sometimes it gets close to not) and communications increasingly improved. He has a child that will just walk away, or say i don’t know and get up and leave.  He approaches later and says “i really don’t like that way you handled that.”  Then nothing more.  No consequence, no force, not nothing but avoidance of what is necessary.  Not parenting.  Parenting is hard.

I am the strict one.  I am the disciplinarian.  I am the forward thinking, self-reliance pushing, competitive driving, force behind my kids.  I want them to do what they enjoy, enjoy what they do, and be good at it too.  Grades, music, sports, chores, manners, it doesn’t matter what frontier or plane it falls upon i have worked very hard to ensure and build upon the necessary character traits my children were born with to ensure that they have the stepping-stones to be successful.  I have put them in environments that support the nurture of things i find important to their societal function and overall resilience and adaptability to the ever-changing adult world.  When they get there, the will have the confidence to go, try, do, find their niche, and blossom.  unfortunately he has done nothing to ensure this success for his.  They see him run from conversations with them and their mother, and they do the same.  I raise my voice and they scatter, even if it is directed at improving them.

Part of this problem is a common result of divorce.  No parent wants to be the bad guy.  He is afraid if he is the bad guy his kids will turn away from him.  this is also why we have a society of the weak.  Gen x and Gen y are the first generations made up of children that grew up in the 50%+ divorce rate.  This did two things: one it made the children (now adults) second guess marriage and childbearing  delaying both or just cohabitation, on one side, but on the flip made options of divorce and the process look easy and a way out.  I’d also say part of the problem is the father daughter relationship.  Shane walks away at the first inclination of conflict with his first born girl.  My dad did the same. My ex husband does the same.  Boyz…..i think it is time to MAN UP!

I am very fortunate.  My children’s father is almost entirely out of the picture.  And he likes it that way, as do I.  He never “has to have them by court orders,” when he calls and wants to take them his full and vested interest is on those kids and enjoying and having fun with them.  Because of the relationship and determined roles I always am the bad guy and their dad is fun.  This way the kids never suffer.  Never have to choose a side or a favorite.  We utilize the other to maximize the greater good for them both.  That is ok, just because I also am the one who stays up to wash their clothes and uniforms, buy their clothes and take them to all of their sports, and screams and cries at the table with them when the homework is too hard, i am also the drive, I am the stable party.  The consistent party.  The rules and regulations, the expectation and the consequence, the support, and the everyday love.  I am the dictator and the teddy bear.  I push them to their highest and hold them tightest at their lowest. I make them see all that they can do and that they have to be grateful for. I am there when they win and there when they fail.  I am the red pen and the trophy.  And only time will tell on society and my kids…..

Until next time,

C

Participation trophys/Kids keep track.

Giving participation trophys is probably a greater sin than “purple pen grading.”  Although both situations disincentivize top performance.

1. kids keep track.  whomever parents/coaches etc says tha we are going to play a fun game wand not keep score-just because the adult feels good about not writing down the score-the kids keep track.  Adults, you are fools to think otherwise.

2.  just because you win, you want something, a tangible symbol of your win, over or larger or more distinctive that the “losers.”  IF everyone gets a medal or a ribbon, then the winners should be bigger.  It is not enough just to “say or know” you were the winner.  that accolade, that symbol means that you officially did it. this drives the non winners to succeed, and keeps the winners competitive to maintina good forward progress and consistanct to maintian their top performance.

IF we do not understand the pain of losing, the drive or competition it generates, or the sense of acomplishment of winning-we will never amount to anything other than average.

COmpetition and education also go hand in hand.

Why is america failing to educate-standardized tests, social interaction (play) and the purple pen rule.

Project Step Family: How to’s and Misconceptions.

 

Hello and i hope you are all fully fat and happy after the gluttony of the weekend for those of us in the US.  Thanksgiving was this weekend, and it is a holiday of giving thanks (historically to the native americans for helping the european settlers survive) but it has become a larger symbol, especially during recessionary times, of giving thanks for the blessing you do have, from what has been provided to you, and what your hand has provided to others.    It is also a time of and for family.  The good, the bad, and well, the ugly.

Families can be made up of a series of different strands.  You have nuclear families, extended families, foster families, adoptive families, half of families, no families, and step families.  Typically and under ideal social constructs-you have a nuclear family-a husband, a wife, and their children.  When those children grow the marry and have their own nuclear family and split holiday time between their partners extended family and theirs.  This is clean and easy.  But it is not the very real normal.

Single parenting (or half a family) is extremely common and is more often than not of a woman run household and environment.  There are some dad’s too however.  but what is nice about these is there more than typically is not visitation issues in the already stressful holiday mix.

Divorcee’s are also a type of single parenting/half a family- and can turn your two family extended holiday in to four families vying for holiday celebration time pretty quickly, especially if the previous partners have re-partnered up.  And with this one there is also conflicts in visitaions that are systematic until the holiday throws them off.

I(we) are extremely lucky.  I have been a single parent for majority of my children’s existence.  Even for the years that my children’s father and I were married in the middle of it all, his participation and attendance was minimal.  Between his alcoholism, bartending, social life affairs, and then the military, there was not a fleeting chance of success in this marriage unless i stayed ignorant or he matured.  Neither occurred.  :).  Upon our divorce, he granted me full everything, with no visitation necessary and pretty much signed off his children (the court would not allow termination completely), unless he calls and says- hey can i see them today, i have some free time.  Thus-there is never any conflict for visitation, I hand them over to him if they are free and he brings them back when he is tired.  The only holiday he wanted to be guaranteed to see them- Christmas day.  That is it.  Easy and agreed.

My partner, Shane and his ex are really laid back.  They have joint parenting responsibilities.  They have set days for the kids, which they flip around every so often due to commitments and school, and holidays, and the like.  Neither is in competition to have them or top this or whatever.  They pretty much don’t care ever.

So because of our differing set ups-his kids are with us at least 1/2 of the time, many times more, and my kids are with us ALL of the time. And this is where things get crazy.  None of the following includes serious issues of abuse or danger of any kids.  These are just for the simple everyday type)

1. Just because you live under one roof, you do not become one solid nuclear family unit.  Thinking you can is just going to set you up for disappointment.

•      You are still two separate families.  You always will be.  Governed by your “biological parent” and the other adult in the house-the other children’s parent. Depending on how old the children are-this can cause significant issues when the rules change.
• Your partner and you should speak before moving in about rules and expectations of your and your partners families.  from concerns, to changes, to how holidays will change etc.  Then you both need to communicate these to your children and to your extended families.  Giving them time and options-not you demanding they do what you want.  You need to create a solid disciplinary state.  This does not change regardless of nuclear or step family.

 

2. It is your extended families individual choice to allow the new children in or not.  It is your choice as your children’s parent to accept or decline.  In our case, his family accepted my children in and I declined. 

• I do not feel my children need nor should be an additional inconvenience  to the pocketbooks of another.  This is my choice, as they have and get plenty.   Shane’s mother wont listen to me however.  But that is her right and I am grateful to her for welcoming in the three of us with open arms. My family-not so beneficial.  They not only did not accept him nor his kids in, but they cut ties to us for moving in with him.  As it was bad enough that I got divorced (regardless of the reasons), but worse that i had moved on and wanted to start anew.  Das vidanya they says to us…..  It is however their right to do this.  I just wish they would have communicated their fears before the smack down.

3. Change is ALWAYS hard.  Change takes time.

• People have issues with change.  Give them time to see and feel change, why it is important and occurring, and then to change.

4. Respect each other.

• Respect your partner and stand up for them.  Do not be afraid on the side to talk to them later about how maybe it could have better been handled.
• If religions and customs differ, realize that all people are entitled to believe in wat they want or nothing at all- at the end of the day it is still a belief. regardless if it is in something, or nothing.  It is still the act of believing. And everyone hs faith in something.  Be it in god, in family, in religion, in the govt, and their job, and humanity, the sun, whatever.  Faith in self or something are necessary to give purpose.
• DO NOT POKE FUN nor make jokes about religion or politics, etc.  To each his own.  And although you many not need it in your life, or maybe you were not taught better, or maybe your defense is to poke fun of what you fear knowing-it is not a good practice to do with anything.

5. Fair, equal, and the explaining the great divide.

• Things are not equal, but we try to be fair.
• No one is too old or to “tired” to do chores. (because my children only have one house-they do the most chores around mine/ours.  Shane’s kids have to do chores at their mothers, and that seems to include everything-so at ours I try to limit what they have to do so they expect it- one always does the trash/washes the floor, one always vacuums and sweeps, and the third fills in the mix with my two with dishwasher and laundry and dusting.  I clean the bathroom.  Shane Irons.  We both cook.  We all are responsible for cleaning and keeping clean our closet and rooms.
• No one is entitled to nor deserves anything.  If you are 15+ and you still depend on your parents for housing, food, clothing, and everything lese due to no job or no ambitions, you might as well be five and you will follow the house rules.  You don’t like them, or lie/sneak around them-there is the door.  Even at 15, if life is so bad the courthouse it about 3 blocks away- we will gladly sign your emancipation papers for a child that “knows better.” We will be here for you when you do.

 

 

When conflicts arise:

To become and maintain silence during conflict does two things: it makes known an issue is there and it delays talking about it until AFTER the children or others have left the premises.  realize silence or biting of the tongue, helps you not fly off the handle-and/or say things you mean for only the minute you say them.

There is only one real problem with silence during issue.  The topic needs to get brought back up in order to fix the original issue.  By ignoring it or forgetting about it it will happen again.

Realize also that children of divorce fear parental fighting.  They know it happens and will occur at times.  I tell my kids that some fighting is good (not physical of course), and like siblings, they occur from a conflict of interests or the feeling that one person is not holding up their end of the mutual bargain.  But I also tell them that there are beneficial fights and not beneficial ones.  IF you are out to hurt the other person-that is damaging and not beneficial if you are fighting to fix something that will have long-term benefits if fixed- that is constructive and beneficial fighting.  The manner that this occurs determines whether any marriage, be it first or tenth, makes it through the long haul or ends.

Try this technique the next time your partner does something wrong or takes disrespect from their child in your presence and it goes unhandled.  Or if you disagree with the way it was handled all together.  Then later, say that there is something important you would like to discuss, and then do so in the privacy of your room.  Speak calmly and give examples of what was wrong, what could result from continual behaviors of that sort, and how you would have handled it differently and why.  Give them a chance to explain their logic or thought and come to a consensus.

 

Change does not happen overnight.  I know in the time that has elapsed since the big move in, there have been exciting changes to his children.  His children were not ever bad.  They were just disrespectful toward him and had minimal for table manners, cleaning of the house and room, and were lazy and entitiled.  My children brought additional age appropriate sassy mouths to the table, along with tinges of selfishness, and inability to knock on closed doors….. 🙂

We have only had a few issues of conflicting parentingisms.  As much as we have tried and did try to touch on every situation we could think of before moving in, sometimes life gives us options we overlooked.  One such case was vegetables.   I make my kids eat at least two, even if they don’t like them.  My children would never hide them, nor put them in a napkin and throw them out, because if i saw them do it or found out, they would have to eat it out f the garbage disposal or the trash can.  Sneaking in such a manner is as good as lying and is very disrespectful.  I told you to do something, and you did not.  My partner, when this occurred had a hard time in the beginning seeing this way, because he didn’t want a fight or tears.  But i explained to him he was too good of a dad to be treated like that.  she basically said-screw you dad-you can tell me to do what yo want but in reality i will nod and just do what i want anyways.  That seemed to make it more clear. So, when it was brought up at the table again, and one child wanted to check the napkin of my child, my daughter said  that she would never do that because her mom would make her eat it out of the garbage for lying and being disrespectful.   And I sat there, proud of her for understanding WHY that was a punishable offense, as everyone ate dinner and the pasta I had made with an emulsified cream sauce containing the vegetables of issue from the previous day.  🙂 Some would argue that it is a gross form of child abuse, or cruel and unusual, to make them eat it out of the sink or trash.   In this case the punishment fits the crime to a tee.  The child had the choice to eat it or the choice to disrespect their parent.  They chose to throw it out and not eat it.  They still have to eat it, because that was what was originally asked of them by their parent who worked hard to provide for them and they the child made the choice where they removed it to. Therefore, you teach about lying, hiding/sneaking, waste, and consequence all at one time.  Things every child needs to know and much more solid of a lesson envoking the reasons of action, and consequence for the exact situation that occured.  Putting a kid on time out for not eating and lying about their food does nothing for them.  Teaching the how and why has a better and more lasting affect and can allow the dots to be connected from begining to end; the situation, the options, the consequence, and why understanding this process is important and can be applied to other events in the future, latent items like waste, consumption, sustainability, environment, the poor who wish they could sit her to a warm meal, even if it is something they dont like, etc.

 

I am stubborn and Shane is selfish.  Neither of us likes loud noises, nor fighting, nor confrontation. I nipped my kids issues early, so there is minimal for confrontation now-just an occasional teenage sassy mouth, disorganization,  a bad grade, etc. He is having a hard time nipping what the precedence has already be set for.  But we keep the rules the same for all the children under OUR home.  There are solid rules and there are by-family rules.  The dinner rules are posted.  And the individual parental expectations remain the same-mine higher for my kids than his are for his.  But that is ok. It is ok to have different rules.  And although it is met with a bit of whine or unfairness from my kids, i explain to them that I am their parent-what i say goes.  It is my job to raise good and self-reliant functional and always striving for better children.  I choose to push you hard and harder, if he does not want to take the time to do that to his kids, that is ok as long as it is not detrimental to my parenting of you.   I think he is a lazy parent, and he thinks I am too strict and mean.  But we both are very good at forgiving and teaching forgiveness and we both want the best for our kids.  Forgiveness is a power struggle, like all the others.  When you hold in that hurt, the antagonist hold control over your mind and you are weak.  When you forgive, they no longer have the power to harm or hurt you.  And people make mistakes.  It is what you do after them that tells the world you are.

All in all, step parenting ideally is a blend of two households in a manner that encourages the success of the children by being able to take the best rules and intentions of both worlds, enlisting them and keeping them strong and consistent or new and important, and leaving those that damage or are done just to duct tape cope, behind.  You both want the best for your kids, but it needs to be their best, not yours, and they need to be pushed-some more than others, to test the limits of what they think they can or cannot do-to prove to them they can do more than that.  They can surpass limits set for them or by them-with the right amount of support, love, and occasional gasoline thrown on the fire.

 

Good luck and let me know if you have questions or situations you would like me to try and help with.

until next time,

C

 

Parenting: WHOA!

http://shine.yahoo.com/team-mom/half-moms-lie-parenting-38-im-not-surprised-202800740.html

http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/moms-dont-discipline-kids-crazy-143000058.html

I provided some entertaining articles above.  Mom’s are so worried about what they are thought of or how they are doing.  here is how i work, maybe it will help you:

I am very fortunate that I learned early, you will be judged not matter what and
you cannot make everyone including yourself happy all of the time. So to remedy
this I blend three things: transparency, consistency, and long-term goals, for
myself and when I parent. So far, at 11 and 8 my children are great! Not
perfect, but just really good and down to earth kids that are well-mannered, can
see past their noses to help others around them, if necessary, and have future
plans and are happy and resilient.

But this comes from everyday discipline, involvement, and awareness of their surroundings.  My children are very fortunate they have seen poor times and have been surrounded by family with some money.  They have a great understanding of wealth and poverty.  I regardless of how poor we have gotten have always found room to give.  They know and understand that.  They also know when ever i have any “extra” i share it with them, especially if a lesson can be rendered from it.

Jolie, my eldest had to do a report on Pluto, the Rotate In Peace, planet.  Lilie is also, in her classroom studying the planets and solar system. Shane and his children love to go to Chicago-which is only a little over an hour from where we live. I last year bought a discovery world of Milwaukee family membership for 75.00 as a school fundraiser from my children.  Because of this, nationwide we can get in to other “reciprocity” museums, only having to pay for the extra features if we want to see theme, like imax shows, or special tours, etc. So to combine a free weekend filled with no sports or responsibilities, we went to Chicago- to the Adler Planetarium and to Chinatown.  We as a family individually have various loves for cultures, science, and exploration and travel.  Each of us has our own favorite subject and place, but each of us love to learn and find out how things work.

During much of the walking we did, we came upon a series of homeless individuals, begging for change.  All of us walked away and avoided them.  We all live in an urban environment, not as large as chicago, but urban enough we are all accustomed to this.

So yesterday, my children and I had a lot of errands to run, post school and work.  We decided to go out to dinner.  I am one of those people who is very much a local restaurant versus corporate kind of person.  I am not mean or boisterous or “occupy” style against corporations, but if given the choice I would rather partake in the local.    Mondays are a hard day t eat local, as many restaurants in our area are closed monday, some additionally sunday or Tuesday.  But we found one, Salute’s, a little italian restaurant and a popular spot among locals.  It is not terribly pricy, but not cheap at the same time.  the atmosphere is warm and welcoming for a family pizza to a customer’s in town kind of business dinner.  The food is always good, and there is plenty of it left to bring home.  ON our way to the car upon leaving we were approached by a man, presumably homeless.  First he started off by complimenting my eldest child and I, not quite crossing a line, but close enough we were both uncomfortable. Having been address in such a way by anyone would have led to the same result.  Then he asked me for money, I said I did not have any. He begun to come closer to me, and i walked in to the car, where my children already were inside of.

As we drove away, my children asked if he was homeless like the people we had seen sunday.  I said probably, yes.     Jolie said, I feel guilty for what i am about to say.  I feel bad that the don’t have a home, but i wonder what they did to get there.  I mean, i know we have been very poor, I know that people lose jobs, and can’t pay bills, but if it was that easy to be homeless there would be many others.  I told her it was ok to feel that way, as that is how i feel too.  Then we talked about why we help families we know that are struggling, why we donate to food pantries, why we do things like that, and there are shelters for homeless to go during the bitter cold.  Many times the homeless have addictions, or have mental illnesses that don’t allow them to find stability and they run themselves out of options or help or even hope.

Al the while we were driving to one of my girls friends houses.  A place we have never been, but a family I really like. They have two girls, both the ages of my children and both girls.  Education and extracurriculars are mandatory, and both are in private schools-different ones.  My children are in one of the religious private schools, and theirs are in a non religious private academy style prep school.  My tuition for 2 children is about 4500 a year, and theirs is probably about 15-20,000.  I work my tail off, and she is a stay at home mom. We live in a very nice loft apartment, and they live in what I am going to guess is a half-million dollar or more, home.  When we pulled in the driveway, Jolie, immediately said, How can I stay here!  I feel so poor and almost dirty!  I said, welcome to how the other side of the spectrum lives.  My Lilie, bless her, says-so where does that put us?

I said- striving for this (the epic home in front of us) and trying to avoid that (homeless).

 

And so it goes.

 

The Starbuck’s Barista and the Postman.

Yesterday kicked off a week filled with sucky “further testing” appointments.  What started off as 2 appointments: a physical and a yearly obgyn appointment, has turned in to a biopsy, a cardiology appointment, and a orthopedic appointment. I am 28.  I am in relatively good health, physically active, i work too much, and I sleep too little.  Yesterday I went for a biopsy (sucko).  Since 2003, I have had a biopsy performed 5 times, maybe more (i lost count).  My reproductive system has been through the ringer and the birth of my last child, 8 years ago, was high risk because of it and everything that came before it.   So I went in there knowing what to expect, as there has been at least one close call in the past,  but clearly I feel like my luck is running out.   There was just a different level of emotion in me yesterday morning, not anxious, but an almost sedated, surreal, and passive.

I love my OB- I have followed her from one facility to another since I was 16.  She is a great wonderful woman, our conversations are fantastic and at the end of every appointment since i was 19 I have asked her when we can talk about removal of “the girl parts,” as I joke they do nothing but get me in trouble….. She always tells me, maybe next year…with a smile and closes the door.   This time she also told me that the older I get the more I look like my mother (whom she has known for about 25 years), which is kind of funny, because as I was getting ready for a wine tasting on friday night, while putting on my make up, with a young child standing on a step stool next to me wanting to be “make-up’d” too, I though the same thing.  When I was about the ages of my children, my mother became very ill, for which she stayed until I was about 18.  Watching it wreak havoc on her body, her mind, her life and her soul, was devastating to me and to our relationship.  Things were said and done by both of us along the way that, although i was a child, and she the adult- I wish I could take back, to have had the awareness of an adult instead of the selfishness of a child.  But what is done is done.  And truthfully, I am scared.  I am scared of replicating the past, being the ill one and destroying my relationship with my children that i have grown and taken such a vast amount of precaution with, because of the lacking and tumultuous relationship with my mom.  I do not blame my mom, nor myself for what occurred.  Neither of us had directions, and both of us loved each other so vastly and deeply, and were so scared, it manifested in to ugly and mean.  They say you hurt the ones you love the most, and i believe that, but at 28 you know and can understand more than you can at 12.

Tomorrow I go in to be fitted with a Holter monitor.  In the past, I have had weird heart-beating things where I become very light-headed and have to lay down, sometimes needing just to sleep it off.  It feels like my heart falls in to my stomach, beats rapidly and fiercely and makes me instantly sleepy and nauseous. It doesn’t matter if i am standing, sitting, engaged in physical activity; it can happen…it comes with no warning and is unsystematic.  When it happens when I’m sleeping, i wake up and feel like I can’t and have not been breathing…It happened three nights in a row, thus prompting Shane to force me to see a doctor when it woke him up and “scared the hell out of him.”  But it has only happened once since.  It has gone on for years and i have shrugged it off, but now that someone else knew…..there was no more hiding it.  They preformed an ekg about a month ago, and had to do it a few times because of “weird” upticks.  I am hopeful that they rule out anything physically wrong…so i can conclude and blame it on coffee, anxiety, and stress-drink less joe, meditate more, and sleep more. So Wed and Thursday i document my life-from what i eat to what i do-every minute for 24 -48 hours.  Then I will meet with a cardiologist to go over the results….

So now i wait, dreading the dr. office generic phone number as it flashes over my phone screen, waiting for a what will be next type of scenario…..

But the strange things started to occur yesterday when I left the biopsy appointment.  I treated myself to Starbuck’s-still in a passive and docile mood.  The woman at the register was kind and we talked for a few minutes…at the conclusion of our conversation she said to me “You put off  a positive vibe, i like that.” I said thanks, I appreciate that! Before returning to work i stopped at the postoffice to give them a prepaid return package for something i bought that did not work.  I was the next in line, when i was motioned over by a surly fellow. He did not seem pleased to be at work at all.  And I, just wanting a quick in and out, handed him the envelope,   the conversation professional and business like.  I thanked him for his help and suggestion, and he said-well i appreciate customers who smile and who seem like genuinely good people.  You don’t get that a lot.

What ever my aura was putting off yesterday, i hope it sticks around, unless it is a glimmer of death… then it can get lost….I have too much still to do!

 

So to any one out there, waiting in the winds of change, results, or fear- my thoughts and prayers are with you.  And any of you out there like me who ignore and put things off, dont be sacred.  I figured that the safest place to let it all out was to my invisible internet friends on the world wide web….crazy though, I feel better telling you that almost anyone else….

Until next time,

C